I really don’t have anything interesting to say today. (not that I normally do!) I’m just going to sit here and ramble a bit…
Naps. The loveliest thing ever invented. I think it’s probably been more than a year since I got a nap for over an hour in peace and absolute quiet. I don’t feel one bit guilty skipping most of church to get it, either. I’m feeling so much better.
TSS. Toxic Shock Syndrome. (you know, that weird crazy scary reaction people can get from tampons that they warn about all over the packages) Does anyone get this? They must, or they wouldn’t scare me to death everytime I look at the package. And every month of my womanly life I’ve been scared of it. I’d forgotten about this in the last couple years (lucky me) but am now back to worrying about it. I get a headache once a month and am always afraid I’m coming down with the dreaded disease… Do people really DIE from it? What a horrible thing to die from…
Diets…Never been on one before. Not really on one now either. But hoping to lose 10 lbs. How long should that take? I think I’m getting a treadmill tomorrow (yay me!!). Is six weeks a reasonable expectation?
Daydreams. Can you "see" stuff in your imagination? I recently had a big discovery. My husband doesn’t see in his head. Like with pictures. Like I do. Does that mean I have a photographic memory? Am I weird or is he?
Ok…enough deep, thoughtful, and insightful rambling from me. 
Hopefully someone brilliant will read this and answer all of my questions…
Montez. Out.
From myself today. I was laying around all morning, feeling sorry for myself. Had a horrible night’s sleep and was awakened before 5AM by a certain little unnamed punk who wouldn’t go back to sleep and spent a lot of time pulling my hair and punching my nose in the ensuing 1.5 hours before I finally gave up and just crawled out of bed. Had a headache (on only half of my head…weird) and was just grumpy, tired and lazy.
Enter Kent. [angels singing] My good friend and former neighbor. A girl, by the way [you should've heard my mom's shock and horror when I told her one time I was going to a movie with Kent...she assumed it was her husband I was talking about. ] She called me and asked if I would go to lunch with her. That was just enough to pull me out of my personal darkness, get dressed, put on some makeup and clean up a bit. I haven’t even gone to lunch yet and already feel better. Love how friends can do that for us! YAY friends!!
I was going to post a horrible picture of us, but decided I’d let you imagine how beautiful and fabulous we are.
I don’t think most people would look at me and think "that girl’s gotta lose some L.B.s" It’s not an extreme problem. Yet. I’m at a crossroads right now. I’m at a point where I either need to buy new clothes to accommodate this body, or do something about the body. Because my clothes and my body are having a severe disagreement right now. I need to choose either my habits now, my current way of life,or make some changes. Apparently the Oreo diet just isn’t working.
I have excuses. Lots of them. Maybe I should just accept the fact that I’ve had four kids, life is crazy, I love my treats, and stop getting down about my body. But the part of me that was always fit and trim wants to fight this. I feel gross. I can tell how it’s a vicious cycle. When I feel like this, I want to avoid thinking about it, just go on with my life and do things to avoid thinking about it. Food, while I love it, isn’t put into my forethought. I’m not planning healthy meals, it’s just easier to pick something up. Snack on something convenient rather than healthy. I’d rather just eat the darn thing without feeling the guilt of what it’s doing to my body. I find myself justifying things. Like, I work so hard, dealing with the kids, the house, everything all day, that I DESERVE to treat myself. Which is true. To an extent. I need to make an honest accounting of my actions. And do what I KNOW I should.
I’m going to choose ME. My healthy version of myself. The girl whose body I was proud of at one point. Gotta get back to that. And the "fat pants" that I’m now busting out of will serve as a reminder of that until they’re no longer too tight. I WILL NOT go buy myself new clothes until I’ve at least given several weeks of good effort to be a better girl. And I’m sure when I do go shopping, I’ll be much happier with the way the trim body looks in WHATEVER I try on than the "softer" one does. I put this up here to make myself accountable. To put this into my consciousness. I’m making a choice. Me first. Today.
The banner. We took these cupcakes to Matthew’s class on his birthday. I’m such a good mom.
Coming soon to a supermarket checkstand near you… My Matthew on the cover! That was a pretty fun surprise. I was asked to work on this project last October (I think). I was pretty flattered, they chose only 3 designers. Me, Lindsay Teague, and Jennifer Bourgeault. I was a little worried to do it because this was their first publication, I was worried it wouldn’t be good. Well, it was a risk. Oh well. I guess it’s worth the 3.99 asking price… Go check it out…
My main reason for taking on this project was hoping that I could reach an audience outside the scrap world. If I can inspire someone to start scrapping and ENJOYING it, then this will be a success. I figured the supermarket checkout was such a promising a location to reach "regular" people and it was worth the risk. Hopefully even though I doubt real scrappers are likely to get very excited by this book, maybe a couple ladies might pick the book up, see what they like and decide to try it out. That was my whole point with this.
**eta** The delight and surprise on Matthew’s face when he saw himself on the cover was great. His eyes bugged out, a big "whoaaaa…", big smile…and quoted Mike Wozowski (Monsters Inc) "I’m on a MAGAZINE!"….that was fun.
Can I just say how much I love these things? Thank you windex for keeping my kids busy for the last half hour, CLEANING!!! They loved it, I loved it. I love how they’re perfectly wet enough, but not too wet. Not going to ruin the tv or computer or anything…I used to give them the bottle and we’d get 10 squirts for one wipe and it was a dreadful disaster. THIS….Heaven.
And yes, it’s come to this. This is all I have to say on this fine day. I’m sooo boring…..
(And, yeah, windex, pay me later for the commercial. I’ll take free product…)
Couldn’t help the stupid pun for the title. Ok…so I’m going to a crop today. My second ever, the first being before I really got into scrapbooking. I took pretty much everything I owned, which wasn’t much. Well, now I’m REALLY into scrapbooking, and have PILES of stuff. I’m sure there’s stuff I can leave home. I just don’t even know what to do! It should be fun, though, I hope. I really do need to get out once in a while…Into the REAL world… Anyway, I’m thinking of bringing the bare minimum and buying most of my paper and stuff there. Or should i work on a mini-album? I should’ve started thinking about this earlier… Any advice from "croppers"?
I haven’t jumped on the ipod bandwagon. I’m tempted because they’re so cute, but since having kids I haven’t been listening to much music. I really enjoy silence when I can get it. But yesterday I was cleaning out the car and found a CD I was supposed to have turned into the library that had fallen under the seat. It was the Indigo Girls. Their new album. Now…these girls are pretty much the complete opposite of me. Yin and Yang, we are. Night and day, hot and cold, whatever you want to call it.
My gosh…it was like finding a long lost love that I hadn’t thought about in a while. I forgot how perfectly their music goes with me. Just in the right range, beautiful harmony, fun…I fell in love with their music just out of high school. I think part of my sentimental love for them is because it speaks FREEDOM to me. I was really coming into my own, and they were always in the background. They were with me on roadtrips with my sister and my girlfriends. They were with me as I was falling in love with my husband. They were with me as I was becoming a woman. My own woman. Screaming with them at the top of my lungs. While they were singing to their lesbian lovers, I was singing to the guy at my side (or in my mind). I can’t even pick one as a for sure favorite. Do yourself a favor and just listen to the samples on amazon of their Retrospective CD. Or for the real deal, I was listening to Rites of Passage during my own rite of passage. Good stuff (except these samples are just too short). A few of the songs just take my breath away.
If you could turn up the volume in my brain, it would sound a lot like that. Some angry, some nice, some mellow, in just the right key and just….cool. They just make me feel more me somehow. I can’t even describe it. But wow. How did I go so long without listening to my OWN soundtrack! Maybe I DO need an ipod, they are WAY better than silence.
How’d the baby get a hold of the blog?! I’m doomed. I really wish he hadn’t exposed me like that. I tell you, it’s the animals running the zoo around here. We’ve completely lost control.
It’s about high time I busted onto this blog thing and let you all know what’s really going on around here. It’s torture. A concentration camp, I tell you. So the warden tells you how cute I am that I can open the lid to the toilet. Yeah…I’m ONE….should she be letting me do that? NO!!! And get this…not only did I open it, I did it while she was distracted and she didn’t catch me until it was TOO LATE… I pulled out a huge wad of toilet paper (thanks to Matthew for leaving that…and if MATT was leaving toilet paper, you know what else was there) and stuck my hands in my mouth too. And then spent plenty of time throwing up for the next four days. How was I supposed to know? And the warden, even though she’s supposed to only give me stuff like apples and bananas, let me eat SHREDDED WHEAT yesterday! Can you believe it? Of course I threw it up. In the car. Teach her a lesson.
Ok…so today….today was really bad. The doctor TOLD her not to give me milk, even breastmilk, because of my poor little tummy due to my aforementioned antics…well…I woke up early and she decided to give me milk anyway. Anything to let HER sleep. Even sacrifice my poor tummy. Well, I did go back to sleep, so she thought she was pretty smart. I showed her by throwing up later. THEN, during my bath, she poured water straight on my head, into my eyes, I couldn’t breathe…I was so mad. Now that was just mean. And THEN…for my nap. I told her I didn’t want to go, but she thinks she knows better so she put me in my crib anyway. I cried for a little while and then just gave up and fell asleep. I was perfectly comfortable folded in half, my head laying on my legs, but because SHE can’t sleep like that she thought I wouldn’t want to, and WOKE ME UP trying to lay me down flat. Isn’t it torture to deprive someone of their sleep? Cruel and unusual, I tell you. And then she thought I’d stop crying and go back to sleep, but I was so mad there was NO way… This lady is so thick sometimes… she let me cry some more while she took a shower. She was actually SURPRISED I was still awake when she got out. Thick, that one…
And THEN…She was trying to get all fancy for church and actually busted out the curling iron. Well, I hadn’t seen that before, and since it was on the back of the toilet (my favorite place and only place in the bathroom that didn’t have toothpaste on it…there are no counters in there) I had to check it out. MAN that sucker’s hot!!! It burned my hand, what an awful surprise. Totally her fault and I’m totally mad at her. She tried to make me feel better, but it was pretty bad. It stings.
If that wasn’t enough she sent me to the nursery at church so she could teach her lesson. I was at the mercy of the big kids…I’m not supposed to be in there for another six months… Scary. I put on a brave face though and pretended like I didn’t care that she’d left. Actually, after the day we’ve had, I was kind of glad to get a break from her. FINALLY…finally….after all that, on the way home from church I was able to get some decent sleep. The rigors they run me through here…I’m only one…I’m just not up to it. Hopefully, the warden will see the light and take it easy on me!! Here’s hoping tomorrow’s better…I just couldn’t go on letting you all think my life was easy and it was all about being cute. I had to blow the whistle on how things REALLY are around here… Signed, Franklin.
by Shannon Montez
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