As I was folding laundry yesterday I watched the interview with Brooke Shields about post-partum depression. It was kind of freaky. At one point they were talking about women who’d developed post-partum psychosis. That was scary. Because I know it can happen…
I had post-partum depression when Shelby was a baby. Only I didn’t know I had it. I just figured that was my life from now on. It was normal to me. It was me.They talked on the show about how the demons in your head are specifically catered to you, how they make perfect sense because it is using your own thoughts, your own rationale. It is about impossible to get outside and see it for what it is. It wasn’t until I recovered that I realized I had been there. It was an extremely dark, horrible place to be. Fortunately, with my other kids I didn’t experience that. I feared it, though. I told Dave (who I thought I’d hidden it from the first time but found out later he knew I wasn’t right) that I need help if I find myself back in that place. Medicine. Support. Whatever it takes. But I was super lucky and recovered well the first time and never went back.
Anyway…the psychosis thing scared the pants off me. I realized that that was my biggest fear. I know I had this fear that developed when Shelby was a baby that I’d somehow be sent to jail for something that happened to my kid. And I think that was the root of it…afraid that I would do something terrible. Not on purpose, not consciously, but that I might somehow lose control of myself and make some horrible mistake. It’s so scary, this responsibility that we’ve been given. To guide other people through life, when sometimes we don’t even feel like we know the way. I’m so grateful that I have such great support and knowledge. Time has given me perspective that I didn’t have the first time around. That everything is temporary. That’s good, when times are bad, and sometimes kind of sad when times are good.
So, yeah, enjoy this happy post. 
I’ve gotten too serious here. Another neighbor story tomorrow.
6 Comments
Shannon - thanks for keeping it real. You are amazing woman. i really enjoy reaidng yoru blog.
Oh man great post Shannon. I had PPD after Mack and it shared the bejeezers out of me- it was the most awful thing I have ever been through in my entire life- even being diagnosed with MS was better. I finally got help when Mack was 3 months old as I had developped severe insomnia and my by body was giving out on me- physically and mentally-so glad I got help - it saved me! Went to a psychiatrist, therapist and a support- oh man that group was wonderful. I think as women we NEED to talk about the struggles of having children and how in one second everything changes. We need to be ther for each other. So glad it never happened to you again either- phew! Great post today.
I saw that show, too. Definitely stuff to think about.
hi shannon,
thanks so much for sharing this. like you, i suffered from PPD after the birth of Sean, but didn’t realize it. looking back, it was such a lonely awful time. i am so glad that you shared that you didn’t experience it again with the other children. i am so excited to say that i am pregnant again, but have been fearing PPD again. your post has given me hope. thanks for being the wonderful, honest woman you are!
btw–i found this quote in a magazine and have been meaning to email it to you:
“freckles=small reddish patches of heaven”
have a great weekend–mel
Hey - I get to sit here sweating while the rest of my family is enjoying your pool!
Great post. I am not sure if I had PPD full blown with Timmy but I remember being so sleep deprived and feeling like I was constantly nursing that I started waking up in the middle of the night thinking I heard a baby crying only there was no actual noise but I still heard it in my head. That freaked Matt out and me! Having a baby does so much to you physically and emotionally. They should really talk about it more in birthing classes or have it be a course requirement at a hospital before you have a baby. BOth for you and your spouse so you both know if something is happening and know where to get support. I htink it really freaks out the Dads because they are on the outside and they have no idea what is happening to their wife and it’s scary. So glad that celebrities are talking about it so hopefully word will spread and babies won’t get hurt or killed but Moms that are suffering from PPD.
This is the exact reason why I’m scared to have babies…but you’re so right about the temporary. This too shall pass. Someday…