August 28, 2006 at 5:49pm
Ok. So after two weeks without the binky, I thought we were in the clear. That we would be alright.
But the fact is, he hit me where it HURT.
He decided he wasn’t going to be taking naps anymore. And while he seemed to be ok, pleasant enough during the day, *I* just needed that nap time. I could deal with the fussing when it was time for bed. But man. I need more nap time. He just can’t give that up.
So he wins. I dug up an old binky and offered it to him. A little peace offering. A bribe, perhaps. I was afraid he wouldn’t want it after all this time. But he took the bait. And he took a nice, long nap today. And went to bed really easily last night. And now we’re both happy. I’ve never been so happy to lose a battle. 
This time, the rule is, it stays in the bed. He’s happy to comply. And we’re both well-rested.
August 24, 2006 at 1:47pm
I took this picture August 12. I had been thinking about how he wouldn’t be using a binky or wearing diapers much longer. Dave has been wanting me to get rid of them, because we both knew he didn’t really need the binky and he could probably be potty trained fairly easily, but I just couldn’t do it. That would be admitting that he’s not a little baby. And with no more on the horizon, it’s just hard. I want to keep him small a little longer. Nothing says baby like binkies and diapers.
As luck would have it, he lost his binky on August 14. We couldn’t find it anywhere. Eventually, we just put him to bed without it. I cuddled him and he kept waving and saying "bye-bye binky" (rather joyfully, I might add) and went to bed without crying. The next day, we left for Lake Tahoe. I was really nervous, thinking the timing couldn’t have been worse considering we had a four hour drive ahead of us, but he handled it like a champ, only whining for about 20 minutes before he finally took his nap 3 hours into the drive. He’s done pretty well. I’m having a harder time getting him to go down for his afternoon nap, which stinks (he’s crying in his room as I write this), but other than that, life without the binky has been good. I really was tired of searching for that thing every time it went missing.
Anyway, I thought it was pretty ironic that I’d taken this little rememberance picture right before he lost it.
August 21, 2006 at 10:16pm
I’m back.
Have been for a few days now.
It was wonderful.
And the floors of my new kitchen are done, which makes me very happy.
But I’m still in a crazy crazy mess. And I’m behind on everything.
But I just wanted to check in and say hi. I’m doing very well. And here are a few pictures, just cuz. (not of the trip, because I haven’t even unloaded them, but random of some recent sessions.)
(I removed the stray hairs on this later, BTW)
Ok. That’s enough for now.
Obviously I prefer black and white. Well, I do love color, too. But often I just really love the storytelling abilities of black and white. And the fun of color. Ok. I love them both.
August 14, 2006 at 9:21pm
some time off!! Well, it’s not totally time off, since I’ll still be with my kids, but at least it’s a different location. I’ll take that! I’m headed to the mountains for a few days. Lucky lucky me.
By the way, any robbers that might be reading this… Dave is staying home. So don’t get any wise ideas. Unless you wanted to come help him rip out the old kitchen. In which case, I’m sure your help would be appreciated.
Hopefully (but not likely) I will have a "while you were out" makeover done to my kitchen while I’m gone. Maybe (in my dreams) I’ll come back to a brand-new, beautiful kitchen. Riiiiiight.
August 9, 2006 at 12:33pm
So to avoid continuing my little discussion with myself about feeling like a failure and mentioning our not-so-little trip to the dentist today that just confirmed my failures, I’m going to give myself some credit.
I taught Shelby and Matthew how to Boondoggle yesterday.(because I don’t have a picture of what they did, and also because I think it’s hilarious that someone is trying to sell it on ebay, I’m linking it there to ebay.) They both caught on quickly and thought it was lots of fun. A totally useless craft, but something fun to do anyway. It brought me back to the "olden days" when I would sit and boondoggle for hours, pretty proud of my creations. I don’t know if that makes me a cool mom or the nerdiest mom ever… probably some of both.
I’m a perfectionist. You would never guess it by the looks of things around here (my house…as if you could look through the computer and see my house). But really, I am. I’m a frustrated perfectionist. I was talking with Dave about this last night. He asked if maybe I didn’t have opportunities to shine when I was a kid, and I realized it was the exact opposite. It was EASY to get feedback, feel successful. Grades, trophies, competitions, there was always a way to gauge how well I was doing, and I loved being successful. It’s just that it’s harder now. As far as mothering, I really won’t know for another 20 years, just how well I’ve done in that job, and even then…factor in the reality that kids make their own choices regardless of how they were brought up, it will be an iffy measurement. And as far as housekeeping…my only measurement seems to be perfection. Clean, organized, well-managed. None of which apply to the job I’m doing. Because I get frustrated and give up. When I look too closely, I want to go crazy, but I don’t have the energy to go crazy, so I try not to look to closely.
I was thinking about how I feel like such a failure sometimes. That I disappoint everyone at some point or another. Myself, most of all, then when I feel the slightest disppointment directed my way from someone else, I take it to be a hundred times worse than they actually felt it. But the fact is, (housekeeping aside) most people looking from the outside in would probably think I was pretty successful. That I’ve pretty much always achieved the goals I’ve set for myself. That I do a pretty good job at what I’m trying to do (again, housekeeping, meal-planning, and budgeting aside.) It’s those big things, the housekeeping, meal-planning, and budgeting that bring me down. Make me feel like a failure. And the thing is, I’m not a failure ALL the time. It’s just that it’s a daily thing. A job that is pretty much impossible to succeed at all the time. I need to find a way to be gentler on myself. To give myself credit for trying, and not look at things as pass/fail. I’ve always felt like I’ve embraced imperfection. I have, really. But if I could just stop being so frustrated by it…
Geez…I’ve gotten too seriously lately… PMS. :p
I’m sorry if I offended anyone with my language in that last post. I would never say anything like that in real life. I’m too chickenshizzle. The hard thing about the whole blog thing is that I’m giving people impressions of myself that may or may not be correct. Since people don’t know me, they may not understand the sarcasm, or the motivation behind my words. I know I’ve said some things in the past that have made people feel bad or were taken the wrong way. Always unintentional, of course, but hurtful to someone for some reason nevertheless. It makes me sad. I hate conflict. I hate making people upset. I hate disappointing people. I hate that this blog has done all of those things at one point or another.
I didn’t get a ton done for the garden this month. Oh well. I scrapped a bunch of pages for no reason and I ran out of time. It’s been a while since I scrapped just for fun… And it was fun. I’ll post them later.
As far as our dog search, we met a couple of the dogs we like on Sunday. We had to test and see if they passed Matthew’s allergy test. The initial result is that the test failed. He ended up getting really itchy eyes on the way home. 
There are several factors involved that could’ve caused his reaction, so the dog isn’t totally out of the question, but it definitely took the wind out our sails. I’m not all gung-ho anymore. We might try again later, but I’m not in a hurry right now.
And the passive-agressive me finds the need to ask The Internet (as if it’s a magic 8-ball) what would’ve happened if I’d gone with what I wanted to do this afternoon in this situation:
Sitting down to eat at Arbys with three of my kids (and they were being pretty good), the guy at the next table, only a couple feet away, says to the girl he’s with "And you want more than one?" to which she replies, "yes." And he snorts and says "Look at them!"
At this point, what I really wanted to do was say, "Hey, (*eta*) idiot, I can hear you."
Internet? What do you say? What happens next?
(the real-life ending: moment passed before I could say it, and I decided it was for the best, since the kids didn’t need to see me get all agressive to a bigmouth. But I’m wishing I could rewind and perform this little experiment…)
by Shannon Montez
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