I’m a perfectionist. You would never guess it by the looks of things around here (my house…as if you could look through the computer and see my house). But really, I am. I’m a frustrated perfectionist. I was talking with Dave about this last night. He asked if maybe I didn’t have opportunities to shine when I was a kid, and I realized it was the exact opposite. It was EASY to get feedback, feel successful. Grades, trophies, competitions, there was always a way to gauge how well I was doing, and I loved being successful. It’s just that it’s harder now. As far as mothering, I really won’t know for another 20 years, just how well I’ve done in that job, and even then…factor in the reality that kids make their own choices regardless of how they were brought up, it will be an iffy measurement. And as far as housekeeping…my only measurement seems to be perfection. Clean, organized, well-managed. None of which apply to the job I’m doing. Because I get frustrated and give up. When I look too closely, I want to go crazy, but I don’t have the energy to go crazy, so I try not to look to closely.
I was thinking about how I feel like such a failure sometimes. That I disappoint everyone at some point or another. Myself, most of all, then when I feel the slightest disppointment directed my way from someone else, I take it to be a hundred times worse than they actually felt it. But the fact is, (housekeeping aside) most people looking from the outside in would probably think I was pretty successful. That I’ve pretty much always achieved the goals I’ve set for myself. That I do a pretty good job at what I’m trying to do (again, housekeeping, meal-planning, and budgeting aside.) 
It’s those big things, the housekeeping, meal-planning, and budgeting that bring me down. Make me feel like a failure. And the thing is, I’m not a failure ALL the time. It’s just that it’s a daily thing. A job that is pretty much impossible to succeed at all the time. I need to find a way to be gentler on myself. To give myself credit for trying, and not look at things as pass/fail. I’ve always felt like I’ve embraced imperfection. I have, really. But if I could just stop being so frustrated by it…
Geez…I’ve gotten too seriously lately… PMS. :p
12 Comments
yes. and yes. and YES. Those are my three biggies, as well. For me the issue is compounded because back in the good ol days of having just one child, I COULD do it all, and it was easy, and I had time to things like host weekend gatherings, and feed everuone home made manicotti (no…I still don’t have a life:p). And so I find myself always trying to get.back.to.that. But it is just impossible. Which is mighty frustrating. So, yeah. Just know that you aren’t the only purple-faced woman staring at laundry piles in absolute disgust. I’m right there with ya.
Wow…. PMS, yeah….
Shannon, you’re a wonder… you’ve just gotta love yourself for the little things. We all do.
I wish I could pin this on a bout with pms…haven’t had that luxury in over 6 years…BUT, I still have those feelings of failure when it comes to the house, etc. I am also a perfectionist my own worst critic. Boy can I be hard on myself! It’s worse living where we do…most of the moms have housekeepers, gardeners, poolboys, nannys…and their homes are spotless! I try to stay level-headed and keep my feet on the ground, but sometimes it just gets the best of me. Someone really ’sold us a bridge’ when they said we could do it all. Little did they know how much ‘all’ really means in 2006. Ms. Shannon…the stuff you feel is universal among most of us. Few of us admit it. Just keep talking and keep plugging! And…somewhere in the middle of the craziness, lies our bliss.
I think most people are harder on themselves than other people are. Especially being mothers, we put all these expectations on ourself to be “the perfect mom, wife, support system, etc”. I feel like my life in those three departments is very chaotic and I only have one child…I think you are doing a great job. Your kids are going to remember that Mom spent time with them, not that Mom kept the house spotless 24 hours a day…do you catch what I’m throwing? Don’t be so hard on yourself sweetie. You are GREAT!
This was a hard one for me, too. I’ve decided to not try to be perfect at everything, but rather I chose the things that I knew I could be successful at and forged ahead, knowing that those other things would still get done, but not perfectly. And that it would be just fine that way. I’m not a perfect mother but perfection in that area is something I’ll always strive for and, like you said, we may not know how successful I really am at that for quite a while. I’ve found in parenting and mothering 24/7 is something I MUST take one day at a time.
And I always feel WAY less optimistic about all of this for about a week each month.
HANG IN THERE!
Shannon- I feel like that SOO MUCH. I just can’t put it as eloquently as you can, and whenever I mention something about it on my blog it turns out to not make sense and then that’s just ONE MORE THING that I’m hard on myself about. Anyway, you’re amazing. I’m excited to live so close to you in less than two weeks!!!!!
So been feeling this way too lately…good to know there others out their that are just as frustrated as I am. Thanks Shannon.
You are a working girl now!!!! Sis, seriously, I think it’s time you gave yourself a HUGE present and got a housekeeper. Just once a week. Or once a month. Seriously. You have earned it, you deserve it. Freak girl, you can pay for it with your own allowance! Think of how much happier you will be….
Fellow perfectionist chiming in here. Don’t even start projects because I know they won’t be up to par.
On the home front, you are busy rasing 4 young children. As long as they are fed, cared for, have clean clothes and are loved, YOU ARE A SUCCESS!
Stacy
I feel like this all of the time! it is hard for me, too, being a perfectionist and an organizational freak. I am a totally different person than I was ten years ago, being that I have such a messy house now that I used to be able to keep under control (I didn’t have four kids back then, either). I hate that I can’t seem to get a grip on everything and do better at EVERYTHING. I guess thats life.
it did make me feel better knowing I wasn’t alone, though!
((hugs))
i could sign my name to that post.
i can sooo totally relate.
seriously.
you said it better than i could have myself.
when you find out what works, please share with the rest of us.
please.
I could apply most of that to ME. You are a sweet, precious, well-meaning, all-or-none perfectionist! The hardest hurdle to get over is that you think need to to everything perfectly at one time. Like right now I am sitting here in my scrap room thinking that I can’t get it ALL clean at one time, so I do nothing…