Here’s a sample:

An orchard. An old quilt. A happy family. Isn’t it perfect that we do some sessions in an orchard in the south Bay… a place that not so long ago was famous for orchards rather than silicone and microchips? Yes. I agree. The orchard works best in the evening, light-wise, so I’m booking evening minis here.

If the orchard isn’t your thing, I have morning sessions available in another location, near trees, grass, ponds, paths. I’ve fallen in love with this location, but don’t have a finished session to show yet. So here’s a sample from my phone. It’s going to look amazing with a better camera and a wonderful family!

So, here are the details:

Date: Friday, June 8. 9-11 am (ponds) and 6-8 pm (orchard).

Session Fee | 150

• includes one 5×7 or 8×10 print
• 15-20 minute session for up to 6 people (same family)
• 10-12 edited images to choose from, presented in online proofing gallery for five days
• special packages/pricing below

to reserve a session time, please shannon [at] shannonmontez [dot] com  or call 408-887-6917.

PORTRAIT COLLECTIONS:

Package 1 | 350
11×14 print
one digital file
three desk prints

Package 2 | 499
two 11×14 prints
one digital file
four desk prints

Package 3 | 650
16×20
11×14
5 desk prints
2 digital files

* with purchase of any collection, add all digital files [presented in your gallery] for an additional $475.

A LA CARTE ITEMS
desk prints [8x10 & smaller] | $65
11×14 fine art print | $110
16×20 fine art print | $175
individual digital file | $150

(Franklin and me on this day, May 7… exactly 8 years ago. He’s 2 days old.)

A mother’s body remembers her babies—the folds of soft flesh, the softly furred scalp against her nose. Each child has its own entreaties to body and soul. It’s the last one, though, that overtakes you. . . A first child is your own best foot forward, and how you do cheer those little feet as they strike out. You examine every turn of flesh for precocity, and crow it to the world.

But the last one; the baby who trails her scent like a flag of surrender through your life when there will be no more coming after—oh, that’s love by a different name. She is the babe you hold in your arms for an hour after she’s gone to sleep. If you put her down in the crib, she might wake up changed and fly away. So instead you rock by the window, drinking the light from her skin, breathing her exhaled dreams. Your heart bays to the double crescent moons of closed lashes on her cheeks. She’s the one you can’t put down.

-Barbara Kingsolver, Poisonwood Bible

Oh boy. This quote makes me cry. I read it a few days ago, just a day or so before my youngest turned 8. The one I can’t put down. She described it so perfectly…how you cheer those older ones on. You’re so excited about every milestone, so proud of them. So amazed by what they can do. You certainly do love them.

But the youngest. Oh, that youngest. You hold on a little bit tighter. Your cheering quiets a bit and starts mixing with tears when they reach a new milestone. Knowing it will be the last makes it so bittersweet. In fact, at times, if I’m not careful, just bitter.

I ought to put up a celebratory post of him, how wonderful he is and how happy we are to have this wonderful big kid. We certainly are. But for a moment, I just need to hold on to him before I send him on. The biggest comfort is knowing that I really did learn how to slow down and enjoy it by the end. Young motherhood is crazy and exhausting and hard. But by the last one, I really did learn to appreciate and savor those gone-so-quickly moments. Maybe that makes it harder, because it was so beautiful and I miss it so much. If it had passed by in a blur and I’d just succumbed to the exhaustion and wished those moments away, would it be easier for me now? Because I’m enjoying the relief of the different pace? The full nights of sleep? Could I look at those days as something I’ve survived and can be happy to never return?

Instead, I enjoyed them. I held on. I rolled it around on my tongue like a piece of fine chocolate. I watched him sleep. I touched the soft hair. I kissed the tiny lips. I smelled that sweet breath. I bounced and patted and sang and snuggled.*  I grabbed the moments I could and realized they were great at the time.  And there’s a big part of me that aches to have that tiny person back. And aches with every step they take away.

* I didn’t enjoy it ALL the time. I don’t mean to over-simplify. It was difficult much of the time. Motherhood is crazy and exhausting. But the pain of it all fades, and the beauty of it lingers like a scent… you can almost taste it, just out of reach.

(Franklin on his 8th birthday)

My caboose. I’d say the train analogy is very apt, especially with babies. The first one, the engine, rips into your life and shakes it upside down. It’s noisy and chaotic and you can barely get your bearings. The middle ones do the same, and fill your heart and expand your skills and make your home the crazy wonderful, full, exciting place it is, even amidst the chaos of a train running it down. And then the last one. The caboose closes all the doors, cleans up the mess, ends each chapter before you’re quite ready, just at the time you began to feel accustomed to and even really enjoy the commotion. Suddenly, the train has moved on, and all is quiet again. You’re still the same person, yet everything… EVERYTHING is different after that ride.

I know the ride isn’t over. We’re probably on the most scenic, calm, fun part of the ride, before teenagers threaten to pick up the speed again. I really really DO enjoy this part of the ride. It’s amazing and wonderful, and my kids are so much FUN to hang out with. Even when they’re awake! And they can do so much for themselves.  I know this is a stage that I’ll again reflect on tearfully someday.

But just for today, I’m going to indulge myself. I’ll let myself wish for a time machine to go visit the Littles. I’ll mourn my empty arms and feel a bit weird and out-of-sorts in my quiet calm house, before the train comes home and leaves socks everywhere and loses its homework and fights with itself and spends too much time on the computer and reminds me that we really only have this very day to enjoy fully.

Ahhh… spring break. This year I struggled with the difficult decision of staying home and spring cleaning or going camping. Luckily, Dave managed to sneak away from work and drive us down to Southern California for some camping in Joshua Trees!

As a kid, I went camping over spring break every year in Arches National Park. It’s been at least a decade since I was there last, and I miss it sorely. But given that it’s about a 17-hour drive from here, it wasn’t feasible. So I thought Joshua Trees, with it’s desert landscape and gobs of rocks to climb around on, would fit the bill. It pretty much did. It didn’t hold all the memories, but it did have a lot of the same fun.

It was so nice to spend the time together as a family, away from computers and homework and schedules and laundry and shopping and all that business of daily life. It kind of cracks me up that we find camping to be something fun to do…. giving up most of our modern conveniences, sleeping on the ground, eating fairly sub-par food and getting sunburned and wind-blown and in this case, rained and snowed on. But I guess it just goes to show that it isn’t all the “stuff” that makes you happy, but the people. And that is for sure the case. I have the best people around. Also, the fact that it is temporary is a plus. I doubt I would enjoy living like this if it was my only option.

Joshua Tree feels like another planet. One with its own kind of beauty. This is the view that greeted us as we set up camp, the view looking to the west from our campsite.

Dave and I learned to love each other at the end of our rope. I just made that up, but it seems like a really good analogy. The way we spent our time together as we got to know each other (I’d say dating, but it wasn’t really… we were just friends for a long time) was rock climbing. Every chance we got, we’d head to the crag, lace up our shoes, and climb. It was his greatest love (until I began to compete for his heart). But alas. Kids came along. And climbing became a huge hassle (not to mention a bit unsafe) with little kids toddling around the base of a rock, so we have rarely climbed together since having kids. But now, they’re finally big enough. They’re all old enough, brave enough, coordinated enough to participate on their own.

I loved seeing how happy it made Dave to see his kids pull off a tough move or even power through fear to make it further than they thought they could. I loved seeing how happy it made my kids to make their dad and themselves proud. I loved feeling the sun freckle my face as I laid on my back on a rock at the base, feeling exactly like a lizard warming itself, as I watched our children do, successfully, what we first loved together.

We also hiked around Ryan Ranch:

Matthew especially loved climbing. I think he read the guidebook cover to cover and begged for more climbing time, even when the rest of us were begging to just head home and out of the wind. Speaking of the wind… our last night there was crazy. After a morning of climbing, the clouds began to roll in. We knew that rain was in the forecast, so this wasn’t a surprise. We decided to just get in the car and take a drive for a while. We visited Keys Point, then went to a visitors center (where Shelby learned that Joshua Trees are actually lillies, not trees) and to the nearest town for Mexican food.

(Key’s Point, taken with iPhone using Instagram)

By the time we got back to camp, it was cold enough and windy enough and rainy enough and late enough that we decided to just go to bed. The wind was crazy (plus the rain and SNOW), but our tent is a good one, and we knew we’d be fine. Sophia spent much of her night fearing the tent would break, as it did for one of our neighbors. Dave and Matthew got up to help them move about a dozen kids into the van, while the mom packed up, fearing that her lantern would very likely set their tent ablaze. Luckily, it did not. They were from a nearby town, and I couldn’t help but feel grateful that I wasn’t her, where a night setting up camp by myself with all my kids in the wind and rain and cold felt like a better option than being home. [Although, I guess in some ways, that is exactly what I did as well, except for setting up and tearing down camp by myself in the worst conditions.]

After the night of dismal sleep, we awoke to more wind, and by the time we finished breakfast, we decided to just head home a bit earlier than planned. The drive home was beautiful. It really made me appreciate California, how diverse and beautiful it is. I’m feeling glad we didn’t move. A few shots from the road:

I always feel refreshed and appreciative of my life when I get back from spending a good deal of time outdoors. There is just something about being out in nature that is restorative to ones’ soul and mood and stress level.

It was on a day where I really needed the perfect weather, the perfect light, and the perfect family to cheer me up. And that is exactly what I got!

I left for this session straight from my friend Kathi’s house, after saying goodbye to her as she was moving to Texas. As one of my dearest friends for over 10 years, this was heartbreaking for me. I cried most of the way there, and got out of the car hoping I didn’t look like a total disaster. But oh… this light… this family… they made me feel so much better.

This little girl is the luckiest girl ever. To be so loved is such a wonderful thing…

Twins!

Thanks, Dallas, for serving our country! (he’s a Marine)

These two are the best.

Kristin and Hamid were awesome. They were up for anything, so perfectly comfortable together. We had so much fun playing around.

We chose several locations. Can you guess with one was my favorite?

I have to say… I think this shot is beautiful. Best grandma shot.
(for those that don’t know… I call the “both looking at the camera and smiling fairly close-up” shot the grandma shot, because she just wants to see their faces and doesn’t really care about all the fancy setups and cool backgrounds we choose)

There was a wedding going on at the Palace of Fine Arts, which was a bummer because we couldn’t go all over the place. But the light was so perfect, it kind of made up for that fact.

Kristin specifically requested an image at dusk with the city in the background. By the time we finished at Sutro Baths, dusk had come and gone and we were into “dark”. Also, finding a location was a bit of a challenge! But it was fun, and I like what we got…

It’s nice to snuggle and cuddle a sweet new baby. And it’s also nice to sleep a whole night through. So, really, this is probably the best of both worlds: Photographing sweet new babies.

I usually try to get newborns to sleep, because they look peaceful and relaxed and their eyes aren’t distractingly pointed in two different directions and they aren’t making weird faces. But this little guy looked so sweet and peaceful and relaxed, he actually looked great awake!

If he was mine, I’d smooch those little lips. But he’s not, so I didn’t. Therefore, I wish I could turn back time and smooch my own babies. But again… I did sleep all night last night… There are advantages to every stage.

Big sis.

I can’t help it. I love a screaming baby. They’re so mad. It’s all they can do. So helpless and mad. It makes me melt.

Mama was one of Sophia’s favorite teachers. She says Sophia was one of her favorite students. Of course we love her.

It inspires my brains out. Tears and goosebumps through every episode.

For example, there’s an episode about a lady in the LA area who is a bus driver.

She spends her days carting kids to and from school, feeling like she’s doing a decent job. Then, one day, as she asks a kid how he’s doing, he mentions that he’s failing most of his classes. She asks more kids and finds that there are A LOT of them failing a lot of their classes. It makes her kind of mad. She’s leaving her babies to come drive these kids to school for nothing. They’re failing. They’re ALL wasting their time.

So she decides to give them an incentive. If they can improve their grades, she’s going to take them on a ride somewhere cool. She puts out the challenge, and many of them meet it, and they take a trip somewhere. That started her mission. She now spends the summer taking these kids, most of whom have never even left their neighborhood, to see things all over the United States. She uses what she has, access to a school bus and a special driver’s license, to show them the world. To show them what exists beyond their limited experience, and to show them that if they can make it through school and get a good education, that the world is full of possibilities.

People, she is a BUS DRIVER. She’s not a nun. She’s not a movie star. She’s not a business guru. She’s not even a tour guide. She’s a regular person with a regular job who is just doing her one little thing to make the world a better place.

She’s not the only one.

There’s the engineer who figures out how to make wheelchairs affordable that can be shipped all over the world. The musicians playing in hospitals. The woman who rescues abused animals and then creates program where people with all sorts of emotional issues help care for the animals, and the people and animals heal each other (even remembering that makes me teary). The music program. The restaurant. The boxing club. The health clinic. The lawyer. The farmer. All regular people. All doing one thing that makes a difference, just using what they’ve got.

STORY AFTER STORY of this stuff. It’s so beautiful. So well-done. They talk about their story, their turning point, how they decided to take this crazy leap to answer the call only they could here. It makes me happy to know that this is out there, behind the scenes. These people aren’t doing it for a publicity stunt. They’re not doing it to become rich. They’re not hoping someone will come along and clean up this mess. They’re not waiting until they’re better or richer or stronger or have more time or less to do… They are just rolling up their sleeves, using what they’ve got, and getting to work on the business of making the world a better place for a few people around them. They’re not even attempting to conquer the world, just to make a little bit of a difference to a small set of people in their tiny corner of the world.

It explodes my head and my heart in a really really good way.

(Piper and Shelby at the park last Sunday, taken with iPhone, processed with Instagram)

I thought Piper had developed an eating disorder.

She would go days without eating, turning her nose up at her food. Literally. It’d put it in the bowl, she’d go sniff it, turn her nose up, and walk away. Then, when we would leave the house, she would either climb up on the table or break into someone’s backpack and binge on whatever she found. Of course, she’d then go purge the whole thing somewhere in the house. The worst. We lost a perfectly good rug that we only had for like five years and spent like a hundred bucks on! (smirk) It was beyond repair and smelled up the house. Tragic, really. Except for the part where I got a beautiful new rug. That kind of made up for it.

I thought she was just being stuck up and rude and devious.

It’s possible I give my dog credit for being more complex than she is.

One day, Dave decided to open a new bag of dog food and give her a bowl of it. She scarfed it. And every other bowl she’s been offered since.

So. I spent a good week starving the pooch, thinking she was being all passive-aggressive with me. The fact that her food was inedible had not even occurred to me. Either my dog is crazy, or I am. I’m not quite sure which…

That dog is hard to figure out.

(via)

In all the “work” I’ve been doing recently (I recently told a friend I feel like I’ve been scratching and clawing my way out of a hole), I’ve done a lot of reading and thinking and praying. I’ve found that I pray best while I’m working out. I went for a swim the other day, and it was hard for the first part. But then I started kind of praying in my head, going over my concerns, and God joined me, and we swam for an hour. It was so awesome. It felt like a conversation, with new thoughts coming into my head and clarity on things I was worried about. He does that on a long runs too. I guess I just need to unplug and get my brain out of the way. Maybe that was my problem last year, not working out enough? (don’t you hate it when exercise is the answer?) Except that during my last long run, God was running with me, and I told God how thankful I was for my body that could run and feel so good, and how I promise I’ll never stop if He keeps giving me the ability because I know how important it is to my well-being now, and the VERY next day I got shin splints. What the heck? I guess he wanted me to take up swimming for a while instead. (also, it’d be nice if all this working out would help drop a few lbs. None yet, but I’ll keep hoping. And eating crap… maybe that has something to do with it? Nah… I’ll work on the diet sometime, but not yet. One thing at a time.)

(via)

Anyway… I meant to come here to share some blogs. If you love reading blogs, here are a couple that I really found to be uplifting and affirming and just plain helpful to someone trying to get in touch with their spirit.

A Blog about Love. Mara, the author, has been through a rough time the past decade or so, with a husband who repeatedly told her he didn’t love her anymore and eventually left, as well as the struggle with infertility. She says she learned in the depths of all that the true source of love and worth, and that she learned to be happy no matter what. I love her message. She’s now married to a man she adores and shares the lessons she learned on her blog.

Some of my favorite posts: Feeling Truth,  Vulnerability (this was where I first found that speech I linked previously), and Best Beauty Secret.

Also, I found (and became obsessed with) Glennon Melton’s blog, Momastery. Holy Moly. Such good stuff here.  I read the entire thing over the course of a weekend.

She recently became quite famous because of her Don’t Carpe Diem essay that went viral. Love it. So true. But I also love her. Start with her Meet Glennon page. Don’t you want to just give her a hug and cheer her on? I love her overarching message of Love One Another. Isn’t that really what it all comes down to? As I read through her blog, I noted some entries that really gave me goosebumps or touched me in some way (even though, I’d say MOST did that), here’s a list of favorites: Eat, Drink, and be Mary; And/Both; Airing our Dirty Laundry; Happy Birthday Precious Monkees; You Can Swim; From One Rowdy Prisoner to Another; Everything; Cracked Vase; The Jack in the Box; My Testimony; A Mountain I’m Willing to Die On;  Lowering the Bar; Birthdays; My Girl and God. Then, go ahead and read the rest like I did, because you feel like you’re BFFs and you want to hear what else she has to say.

While I’m sharing links, here’s another that I found early on that kind of cracked me open and let all this other good stuff flow in: His Grace is Sufficient. It helped me realize that I didn’t need to be “more” than I am. That I am enough right now. That doesn’t mean I don’t need to always try to improve, but the fact that I have room to improve doesn’t make me any less valuable as a person. It felt like understanding this concept took the weight off my shoulders.

(via)

One more note, a thing that was very helpful as I began this journey… I heard a therapist, Wendy Ulrich, give a talk about happiness. She was talking about all the ways that we can make ourselves happier, and it was a really great, clever talk. But she prefaced it by saying that sometimes we need therapy and/or medication to get us to zero. It can only get us to zero, and then we need to take steps to reach the “happy” part, but that medication/therapy can be a necessary tool to get to zero. I loved hearing that… I really do think that God uses medication to help us, even with mental issues. There’s no shame in getting help and medication if you’re stuck in the darkness. If you can’t get out, ask for help. Get some medication. Get on solid ground, and THEN take it from there. Suffering from depression and anxiety and other problems is NOT a deficiency in personality or righteousness. Shame just makes it worse. Thinking our way through it won’t always work. Take the help available. Because sometimes, sadness and dark feelings and overwhelmed-ness just can’t be cured by a gratitude journal. The gratitude journal, or exercise, or reading good books will help nourish good feelings and help them grow, but you need to be capable of even feeling good feelings to begin with. Getting the gumption to do even basic self-care can be too much sometimes… If  it’s too dark for any of that, it is probably good to explore the possibility that you need professional help getting to zero. I feel like this topic could probably use more discussion, but I’ll leave it at that for now.